Recent reports say that Isaiah Mustafa, the Old Spice Guy, is going to Emerson College to receive his Master of Arts in Integrated Marketing Communications. Apparently, he found this program so remarkable, at a college that is among the elite, that he has decided to ride backwards on his horse into Boston Common to start the educational journey this Fall.
Actually, he didn’t apply to Emerson, but what if he did? What would his application essay look like? The essay prompt is as follows:
Explain your short-term and long-term professional goals. How will an Emerson education assist you in achieving these goals? Reflecting on any relevant work and educational experiences, describe how you would contribute to the program and to the profession.
Mustafa’s response would probably be something like this…
“Greetings Graduate Admissions Committee of Emerson College. I have traveled great distances on the interweb with my platinum encrusted keyboard and mighty hamster powered computer. Through my travels I came upon your campus of learning and knowledge and decided that I must court you, right here, right now.
Do you see these abs? No? Let me send you a mental image of them. Now, understand that each mouth-watering ab represents a Bachelor’s Degree I have earned in the past 150 years I have been alive. Look, from my top left to bottom right, your top right to bottom left, I have a
- B.S. in Smelling Like A Man
- B.S in Nighttime Scuba Diving
- B.A. in Stealthy Cow Tipping
- B.S. in Inception
- B.S. in Space Exploration
- B.A. in Seducing Talking To Women
Clearly I am beyond qualified to sit in your cute little classrooms and discuss scholarly topics with scholars such as myself. My primary short term goal is to spread the manly ways that come so naturally to me and teach the young lads at Emerson College how they could smell like a man, like myself. Your institute of learning teaches many of the brightest minds in a city that has true heart, this is why I choose your school as my starting point. First Emerson College, then Boston, then the East Coast, then the West Coast, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, world smells like man!
As my six abs represent my unique education that you can only dream about, I am forming two more abs to reach a toe curling, heart stopping, romance inducing eight pack. These two new pals of mine must represent only the highest of educational honors! My seventh and eighth abs should be fully formed in three months, that’s two years in your time; the seventh shall represent a Master of Arts in Integrated Marketing Communications, and the eighth, a Master of Arts Wildlife Taming While Under Attack. I don’t often voice these words, but, I need you Emerson College, for the ab.
What will I contribute to your program and the industry? Well, just take a look at the attached photo of me in a towel.”
I am positive this essay would have been written on a royal parchment with a Bald Eagle feather pen that uses Octopus ink.
If you happen to live under a rock and also just learned that GEICO can save you 15% or more on car insurance, then you probably don’t know much about this Old Spice character either. Here are a couple quick reads from Mashable.com to help explain how the Old Spice Guy almost broke the internet last year.
- Old Spice: The Archetype of a Successful Social Media Campaign
- The Old Spice Media Campaign by the Numbers
I also encourage you to check out some of the Old Spice Man Internet Responses and enjoy a few good laughs.
I am in no way affiliated with Old Spice, Wieden+Kennedy, or Isaiah Mustafa. I simply wrote a fictional piece under the personality portrayed by Isaiah Mustafa as “The Old Spice Guy”.