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Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category

Old Spice Guy Applies to Emerson College

March 1st, 2011

Recent reports say that Isaiah Mustafa, the Old Spice Guy, is going to Emerson College to receive his Master of Arts in Integrated Marketing Communications. Apparently, he found this program so remarkable, at a college that is among the elite, that he has decided to ride backwards on his horse into Boston Common to start the educational journey this Fall.

Actually, he didn’t apply to Emerson, but what if he did? What would his application essay look like? The essay prompt is as follows:

Explain your short-term and long-term professional goals. How will an Emerson education assist you in achieving these goals? Reflecting on any relevant work and educational experiences, describe how you would contribute to the program and to the profession.

Mustafa’s response would probably be something like this…

“Greetings Graduate Admissions Committee of Emerson College. I have traveled great distances on the interweb with my platinum encrusted keyboard and mighty hamster powered computer. Through my travels I came upon your campus of learning and knowledge and decided that I must court you, right here, right now.

Do you see these abs? No? Let me send you a mental image of them. Now, understand that each mouth-watering ab represents a Bachelor’s Degree I have earned in the past 150 years I have been alive. Look, from my top left to bottom right, your top right to bottom left, I have a

  • B.S. in Smelling Like A Man
  • B.S in Nighttime Scuba Diving
  • B.A. in Stealthy Cow Tipping
  • B.S. in Inception
  • B.S. in Space Exploration
  • B.A. in Seducing Talking To Women

Clearly I am beyond qualified to sit in your cute little classrooms and discuss scholarly topics with scholars such as myself. My primary short term goal is to spread the manly ways that come so naturally to me and teach the young lads at Emerson College how they could smell like a man, like myself. Your institute of learning teaches many of the brightest minds in a city that has true heart, this is why I choose your school as my starting point. First Emerson College, then Boston, then the East Coast, then the West Coast, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, world smells like man!

As my six abs represent my unique education that you can only dream about, I am forming two more abs to reach a toe curling, heart stopping, romance inducing eight pack. These two new pals of mine must represent only the highest of educational honors! My seventh and eighth abs should be fully formed in three months, that’s two years in your time; the seventh shall represent a Master of Arts in Integrated Marketing Communications, and the eighth, a Master of Arts Wildlife Taming While Under Attack. I don’t often voice these words, but, I need you Emerson College, for the ab.

What will I contribute to your program and the industry? Well, just take a look at the attached photo of me in a towel.”

I am positive this essay would have been written on a royal parchment with a Bald Eagle feather pen that uses Octopus ink.

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If you happen to live under a rock and also just learned that GEICO can save you 15% or more on car insurance, then you probably don’t know much about this Old Spice character either. Here are a couple quick reads from Mashable.com to help explain how the Old Spice Guy almost broke the internet last year.

I also encourage you to check out some of the Old Spice Man Internet Responses and enjoy a few good laughs.

I am in no way affiliated with Old Spice, Wieden+Kennedy, or Isaiah Mustafa. I simply wrote a fictional piece under the personality portrayed by Isaiah Mustafa as “The Old Spice Guy”.

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts, Social Media , , , , ,

How polite should you be?

June 18th, 2009

Common courtesy when you are leaving or entering a building is to hold the door for the person behind you, or the person coming at you and going the opposite direction.

My question is…how close does someone have to be for it to warrant the door hold? Does it depend on who that person is? Or the type of place you are going into or leaving from?

I always hold the door for people, and I think most people do; it’s simple enough. Now personally, I believe that I am more willing to hold the door for a longer period of time for someone who is coming behind me. Why? I don’t know. Let’s give some distances.

Person following behind you, and they are about 10 feet away while you open the door. You’re decent enough so you hold the door for them. Now, you walk in that door and instead, there is someone leaving and is 10 feet in front of you…you hold it for them? In this case, I may not.

So let’s say I had an average distance in which I held the door for people…12 feet? Okay. Now what if there is an elderly person 15 feet away. 12 feet is my max, but the person is old! So for the elderly the max distance should be greater right? OR! Should it be more like 8 feet? Why? Because they’re slow, so now time comes into place.

If a 30 year old man was trailing me by 12 feet I’ll hold the door because it will take like 3 seconds for him to get there. If an old person is 15 feet away it could be 20 seconds or more. Factor in possible walkers and selective amnesia where they forget where they are and kind of wonder around opposed to coming straight in. So while you should be nicer to the elderly, by the time they get to the door you’ll be long gone; it’s not like you’ll be slamming the door in your face. Plus, they may not be able to see that far anyways.

What if someone’s 25 feet away but they’re power walking? What if it’s a 95 year old woman who’s 50 feet away and all alone but she’s speeding towards you on a rocket-powered wheelchair?

I have realized that there are way too many factors that go into one solid decision here. Tell me everyone, how long do you wait, does the time change depending who it is?

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts , , ,

Update to Courteous Disaster

May 12th, 2009

After posting yesterday about the problems with waving people on to go while driving, I actually witnessed it again today.

I was at a 4-way intersection with a light, behind one other car. We were both going left, as most cars do here, but there is no turn light, so you have to wait patiently. Only one car was coming from the other direction and was clearly going to take a right as indicated by choice of lane and blinker. This is a tough situation at times, but in this case, if a car from the other direction is going to take the same turn as you, GO! Why? Because you’re already in the middle of the intersection and that car still has to decelerate in order to maneuver the turn correctly. There is plenty of time to go, but this person did not. Now here’s the funny part.

The car that was coming in the opposite direction, about to take a right, came to a stop and immediately began to wave the person on. It wasn’t a nice gentle wave though, it was a wild waving of the arm about 10 times. This lady, before even stopping, was already frustrated with the car in front of me for not going. She shook her arm frantically in the direction the car should have turned. What this crazy waver didn’t know was that another car was coming in the opposite direction and was continuing straight. So while the crazy lady did her thing, a car was coming and made it impossible for the other car turn take the turn.

I laughed out loud. It was fun to watch.

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts , ,

Courteous Disaster

May 11th, 2009

One of the many things that really irritates me is when drivers hesitate to move after they have been waved on by a fellow driver. When I am at some form of intersection or light, and I give you a nice wave to roll along, you best get moving.

This has nothing to do with having the right of way. This only pertains to situations where there are no dangers to that person hitting the gas because in some cases you may be trying to be nice, but the other driver actually can’t go due to some traffic obstacle. Anyways..what’s the problem ?!

angrydriver

Whether I give you a nice swaying wave to one side, or the quick finger flips (meaning GO!), why do you decide not to? Why do you then shake your head, or decide to wave me to go? What the heck is wrong with you?! Are you trying to be nicer to me? Have you not reached your good deed quota for the day?

I don’t care if you decided you were going to let me go before we both came to a stop in our respective spots, if I wave you first, you go! You should go because by not hitting the gas pedal, you are causing problems. Too many times have I waved someone on, they don’t go, so I accelerate, and then they hit the gas too! Now we both stop short and the wave war continues.

This is why I am the aggressor when it comes to driving, I am cautious though; not reckless. I am well aware of the stupidity that travels the roads. In any instance where there is uncertainty as to which driver should go, I will go; quickly. I do this because I have the general knowledge that no one wants to hit me. Instead of doing a little stop and go dance in the middle of a busy intersection, I am going to go, and you are going to watch me go, and wait your turn. No I am not saying I cut people off, but if you do not take the initiative to take your path, I will. If you are unsure if you should keep going, slow down, stop, or speed up, I WILL make the decision for you.

If I give you any gesture that suggests I am letting you go before me, accept it. Put your foot on the pedal and move along. If you’re too slow to realize I am giving you permission to move forth, or if you for some idiotic reason decide to wave me on instead, I will go. I won’t give it a second thought, I will just go. But as I pass you, I will be sure to give you a look similar to one that your parents would give you in utter disbelief as you played in a thunderstorm pretending to be the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts , ,

Handshake Dilemma

May 9th, 2009

We all know that handshakes are important when meeting new people, networking, on a job interview, etc.; it’s a key part to your introduction to a person. It’s a good indication of the confidence in a person and all things related. I’m not here to talk about the importance of a handshake or it’s germ-spreading ways, rather the awkwardness that may ensue with poor handshake coordination between two people. There will be a series of these posts – this is the first.
handshake
Yesterday at work I shook hands with a very important person in the company that I work for. Considering his highly held position, he has great respect for those far lower than him, and treats everyone as a friend. He actually played paintball with me and my friends last year for my birthday. We have a good work relationship and despite the casualness of it, I know to treat him with the respect he deserves. Make a short story shorter, I make sure to give a strong, firm handshake along with eye contact upon meeting with him. Granted, I shake hands firmly with everyone I meet (I have a major disliking for weak hand shakers).

Anyways, I realize now that I’m making this far longer than it needs to be. We shook hands, and after about half a second, he seemed to realize that I hold pretty firmly. This is when he decided to make is grip stronger as well. However, while he made this decision, I had already decided that the hand shake was about over, so I loosened up. I felt this was kind of weird, and it has happened in the past.

My advice: Always have a strong hand shake. Don’t be quick to end the handshake, let it be a mutual end. Try to remember the strength of grips in people you meet with frequently, so no adjustment is needed mid handshake.

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts ,

Awkward Glances

April 5th, 2009

Here’s something that really bothers me, and I alway seem to be on the same side of this situation.

Say you’re sitting somewhere near other people, maybe a waiting room, a bar, a classroom, anything where there are other people. Obviously everyone takes a few looks around at everyone else for whatever reason; people watching is fun after all! However, anytime that I am minding my own business, and someone looks my way, my puma-like reflexes force my head into their direction at lightning speed. The problem here is that it appears that I was already looking at that person before their eyes locked onto mine.

So this stranger decides to look at me for whatever reason, and because of my ultra, Chuck Norris resembling motor skills, I turn out to be the creep that was staring the whole time.

This isn’t fair!

You looked at me first creep!

It is after this awkward eye-tag moment that I purposely stare at the stranger and make them feel very uncomfortable.

That will teach ‘em.

Bryan Ricard Random Thoughts , ,